Many moons ago when I was growing up, I never had a brand new bike--always a hand-me-down from my sister or my cousin. Roller skates and ice skates were shared between siblings and of course there was one black & white T.V. sitting in the living room along with one phone and a "record" player for the entire family. (I think I may be dating myself). I don't recall feeling deprived about the lack of material goods. After all, we went to the Library for Children's hour on a regular basis, walks in the park, outings to the zoo and beach, oftentimes followed by my favorite treat--ICE CREAM! I was fortunate to have a large, loving family and even though we weren't rich, the house was always filled with laughter, love and the sweet smell of my mom's coffee rolls. Little did I know I had a very special childhood.
Having lived in San Diego for the past 13 years, I have noticed a disturbing trend, and one that is prevalent in upper middle class households across the USA. Kids have so much STUFF. As a real estate agent, I am in people's homes on a regular basis. In one home I viewed 2 months ago you entered a living room with NO FURNITURE, just wall-to-wall plastic toys. I was baffled. I couldn't imagine that 20 kids would not have enough to play with. They had 2.
I have friends who have 3 kids. For every birthday and Christmas these kids get iPods, XBoxes, computer games, walkie-talkies, cell phones, and other electronic gadgets I have never even heard of. More and more and more. The home looks like Mission Control, with all the wired up, fired up devices of 5 people. They typically spend all their time inside watching TV, movies, restaurants, bowling alleys and the occasional Theme Park. I don't think these kids ever go to a library, or have a "Summer Reading List" (remember those?) What will the end result be? A bunch of spoiled brats who are academically inferior, with poor communication skills to boot. And parents with mounting debt and a whole bunch of STUFF.
I suppose the slow real estate market has made me prioritize my spending habits and I can honestly say I really don't need as many material things as I thought I did. I find myself defending my little flip phone (free) and mini laptop I use for travel as opposed to an iPhone or iPad. It would be easy to spend hundreds of more dollars monthly on technology, while I find I can be very productive with alot less.
So to get back to the main topic: Are kids getting more STUFF to make up for the quality time their parents don't have for them? Are we doing our kids a major disservice by taking away their creativity and filling it with STUFF? Is this trend going to change as folks downsize or even lose their homes and the economy takes time to recover?
Deborah A. Stone, Realtor Integrity-Solutions-Results-
Hogue and Belong Realty-Bankers Hill
San Diego, CA
"Representing clients with the experience of an investor"
Deborah: The only positive thing I can think of related to our current state of affairs is that perhaps we will need to bring things back into perspective.
My kids are grown now but alas I think I was guilty.
Now they have picked up the baton.
I am a more responsible Grandparent than I was a parent.
Deborah - Great Post and I share the same feelings that you do! I too see homes and just can't believe how much "STUFF" kids & teens have today. I guess I have been a mean ole mommy....my son is 16 and yes, was addicted to Nintendo...but he's outgrown it. He doesn't demand the latest greatest gadget as a "Must Have". I may have brainwashed him good...but he has friends that do want (and get) everything. It's part of the social status for his generation. Who has the best shoes, clothes, gadgets. Yes...you dated yourself, BUT...I am with you too on the time line. We only had "saturday morning" cartoons, and after school we had to go "play outside". Our family had one TV and no remote. A special treat was the neighborhood ice-cream truck.
Deborah - Are kids getting more STUFF to make up for the quality time their parents don't have for them? Are we are doing our kids a major disservice by taking away their creativity and filling it with STUFF? Is this trend going to change as folks downsize or even lose their homes and the economy takes time to recover?
I agree with your post and to answer your questions, sadly, I would say: yes, yes and no. Conditions will have to deteriorate much more before we see a significant change in attitude. BTW, I wrote a poem several years ago called, A Philosophy of Stuff.
I grew up during the great depession. We had food and were happy to have it. I had to work for all of my spending money, and that wasn't much.
Insightful post Deborah! I definitely would agree that kids are far too concerned with "stuff" and the brands and labels of all their material goods.
What concerns me too about all this stuff is the fact that it has led to a severe decrease in the amount of physical activity that our youth is partaking in. Kids are spending hours upon hours sitting and doing nothing with their "stuff" (phones, computers, X-Boxes) and this has in turn lead us to have a childhood obesity epidemic here in America. We are putting our children's health at risk.
We can all do with less "stuff"
I had hand-me-downs until I was in my mid-teens or my mother made my dresses...I agree, today's children are too indulged.
Corie
Well good for you that you are a responsbile grandparent. Thanks for stopping by my Blog.
Christine-
I for sure remember playing "outside", even in cold New England. I do know STUFF for teens is part of the social status, but I raised a child who is now well past her teens and never got into that. I do think kids take their cues from their parents and I refused to buy into it.
John-
Maybe you could share your poem?
Deborah, I can assure you that I was not guilty of this concerning my daughter. Sure she received things, nice things.
I've felt for a very long time now that kids simply get too much and it's nearly to the point of disgust. I don't know if parents are giving children so many things because of guilt or just to get them to shut up. Which ever...it's bad parenting in my opinion.
You also commented on something that I think is very important: I do think kids take their cues from their parents and I refused to buy into it,
Good parenting skills raises good kids into good adults.
Val-
I heard the same stories from my dad. I guess each successive generation has its own story.
Danielle-
Yes troubling is the lack of outside activity and the increase in obesity and diabetes. We were so physically active as kids, but sadly, I don't see that anymore.
Wallace-
Hand me downs never hurt anyone! I still like going throughThrift Stores--amazing what one can find!
Deborah: Great post I will with you on that. Go to my website which I won't post here but go to the link "The story of stuff" It's very insightful and it helps us understand how we American's got out of control with "Stuff" Cheers!
My kids (raising my niece and nephew) are spoiled, and I can only blame myself. I did the same thing to my son who is about to graduate college--he's turned out pretty good. He has same generous nature as his Mom...lol.
I am very thankful for the rough road I have towed, I have raised my two teenage boys with no help from their father, financial or other. It has made us appreciate what we have, my kids are not like thir friends. They have some stuff nothing like the other kids. They point it out every once in awhile. Great post...
Deborah, I could hardly disagree. I, however, do not give my grandchildren "things"...I give them time, cooking lessons and sleep overs....special times. But, honestly, they have so much there is no sense in adding to the pile of toys and electronics.
Deborah, It has shifted tremenously from our youth (Atari playing Pong was a big deal), now Wii, XBox or PS3, chances are in a kid's bedroom they have one or all. I don't see much evidence that kids share bedrooms any longer, so thus the demand for houses 2 - 3 times bigger than we had. It's no longer punishment to send a kid to their room. They'll fire up their computer, text on their cell, play their iPod and play games all at the same time.
I'm trying to give my twin granddaughters EXPERIENCES instead of stuff. Swimming, reading, parks, etc, plus the more expensive things like a trip to the circus. The memory of my granddaughters screaming "ELEPHANT" as the circus started was worth more than any plastic piece of crap or electronic doo dad.
My children's friends went to private schools, their parents had housekeeper and groundskeepers and car washers...you get the picture. Mine went to public schools and did all the chores and finished college in 4 years and went to work. I retired from teaching and I can't tell you how many lazy, demanding children I saw coming from middle to upper class families and most either didn't go to college, took extra years to finish or quit and moved home to be taken care of.
This post is excellent! My children worked as teens and bought their first cars,played outside, voluntered at church and served holiday dinners at the shelters in Houston. And were taught RESPECT-kids are given way too much these days.
Deborah,
I think the stuff has gotten in the way of actually spending time together as a family. Who needs to hang out when you can text each other in the same room. I think it has gotten a bit out of control. It makes it especially hard as Realtors when we suggest to clean and de-clutter.
Growing up with 10 siblings, we had fun, played outside made our own toys, birthdays and Christmas was the only time we received presents. I see my nieces and nephews having every imaginable toy and STILL want more....Great post!
Deborah,
You said a mouthful. Not only do the kids have too much stuff, they still want even more stuff. Seems like there is never enough "stuff" to satisfy them.
Sure makes you wonder what kind of adults they will become. Christa said it..."It is a terrible culture we are creating".
Great post Deborah. I wish books and reading were more en vogue where kids are concerned. I agree that some parents give in to indulging their kids every desire out of guilt, but some parents just believe that they are giving their kids the best of everything.
All I can say is that my grandson will have a far better chance of being a diverse child than my daughter. I raised her alone and designer anything was NOT the focus of our shopping. We simply shopped for what we needed and brand was not important.
I am fortunate that my kids don't want a lot of stuff. They will just give it away.
Nice post Deborah. This one will get tons of comments I bet.
I'm going to have to borrow Mission Control. That is great.
Hi Deborah ~ Super post! I couldn't agree more. It wasn't a question of not being able to afford things in my family - it simply wasn't the way it was when I was growing up. We had toys - we had a toy bench and a toy closet so we must have had an assortment among the three of us. Nothing like the gross excess we come across all the time nowadays. Between the toys and the clothes I'm appalled.
As others have mentioned, one of the first things that came to mind as I read your post was the problem of overweight kids. Kids need to get outside every day to play - without their parents! Walking or biking to school would also be a big help.
The Story of Stuff that Richard mentioned in #11 is a great video that is all about the problems of excess.
Liz
Yeah Deborah -- I see it too going into the foreclosed homes and seeing stuff piled everywhere. Evidently it wasn't too important -- I got left behind. Kind of a funny allegory for life -- the unimportant stuff is all gonna get left behind.
But in regards to the post, it seems guilt and dissatisfaction is many times a motivating factor in the accumulation of stuff. Absentee parents hope to buy their kids affection, or placate their unwise demands to have what everyone else has. It's not like mom and dad are spending 2 hours of quality time with Joey and Jane every day in most homes.
We had to pray that God would grant us the ability to raise our kids at home. I still work out of the home and the kids have both mom and I here at home all day some days and some of the day, most of the week. Our "stuff" includes sheep, goats, chickens and cows, and a garden, all on less than 1 acre. Our kids LOVE to help. My son does everything he sees me doing - hoeing, mowing, gardening, you name it.
I'm not saying everybody has the ability to or should be like us, but it is what we wanted for our family. And our children aren't perfect, but they are content, creative, and not craving the next thing. Oh, we also don't have a TV though. Garbage in, garbage out. :)
I agree with you fully, Deborah. I grew up in Russia, our family was a regular 2 income family, similar to others, a bit better off (but just by tiny bit), and toys, clothes, shoes - anything - was handed down and exchanged, if possible. Main reason for it: there was not much stuff to buy at the stores. They were quite empty. And that explains current phenomenon in USA - stores are full, filled to capacity, overflowing with stuff. Now, it's great to have such amazing choice. You might be thinking of "creating a gadget that would do this and that" - then you go to Home Depot, and it's there, second shelf in section 12, $14,99 plus tax... It is great to know that any time you need something you can just go ahead and buy it.
"Children" has become a huge industry. Of course you will do anything (pretty much) for them, so why not turn it into buying power? That's what happened. Also, people are having children after they established their careers, are a bit older and better off financially. SO it's all industry now. How about strollers that cost 1000? I bought my first car for that money. And again, I'm not saying these are "bad strollers" or unnecessary products all together - they are in fact great, and I 'm often surprised by genius design and functionality paired with excellent quality and durability of said strollers, for example. I just think, that prices have gotten out of hand, and could be safely slashed in half, if not down to 30% of what they are now.
Stuff. There's way too much of it. I remember just having a bike and a baseball glove and I was good for a whole summer.
One of my kids compained not too long ago that he was the only kid in Oak Park that had to pay for his own gas. and i was supposed to feel sorry for him? Get a job, son, or take me up on some of my offers to pay you for work you do for me!
I agree...
When one my Grand Children carry on about something they 'need' I have them explain to me why they 'need' it. I then turn it around with: "Yo Kid. Those aren't 'needs' they're wants".
After that I go in for the kill with: "Get a job and get off my lovely wallet" :)
TLW...ROAR!
I grew up in a single parent home. Heck, I wore hand-me-downs until I was 18. Some kids are Army Brats, I was a Salvation Army Brat.
Deborah, You are so right. Just a few months ago I decided to have a major clean house garage sale. I went through both of my kids rooms and really looked at what they were playing with and I kept those items and the other items not being played with I put in the garage sale. I had eight trash bags of toys. As I went through these items, I was just thinking about all the money I spent and how I gave into to my kids on so many things. I am not mad they did not play with these items because I realized it was mine and my husband's faught giving them so many items. They are doing just fine with the few items I kept and appreciate them even more. Also, their rooms are a lot cleaner now.
When I was growing up I had a lot of opportunity. I had a fair amount of stuff... but it was always about the opportunities. We traveled a lot. WE went to a lot of local museums. My father was a teacher and my mother was a daycare director... and a consultant on early childhood education.
I actually got into real estate because I wanted to spend more time with my boys. And while they certainly don't want for much, we have started the process of weaning them from 'stuff'. More opportunities to do things.... hockey, Scouting, summer camps. And of course, travel... Next week I will spend most of my week with the 6 year old at hockey camp. The following week, we are looking at a vacation before school...
Parent need to spend their time WITH their kids and stop using the babysitting tools. Instead of showing them with 'stuff'... try opportunity.
Dare I mention this... The cardboard box a large appliance came in could be turned into a playhouse with a few strategic cut-outs for windows....How about a jump rope? Can't remember when I've seen a kid with one, let alone playing double-dutch.
Thank you everyone for your comments. It is so good to see the diverse backgrounds we Rainers and RE professionals have come from. I especially like the stories of doing without, hand-me-downs and living on alot less. It's a good lesson, and cutting back may just open up new doors for all of us!
Oh..dare I be different!! :)
Yes, on one hand I have to agree that some kids have "too much stuff".
I do have to say that I provide my kids with the Xbox, PS3, TV, laptops and cell phones.
HOWEVER, I think the key is to limiting time on all of them and have conditions (no cell phone at the dinner table, etc.)
They aren't replacements to spending time with us..they are an alternate.
We play golf all together, cards, board games...watch movies...
and we have them stay active in team sports (but again..not TOO many organized sports)
But..we all like to have a little "alone" time..that's when they can go to their "stuff".
So, I guess what I'm saying is that balance is the key. They can have stuff, maybe not a ton...have conditions or limitations surrounding them, and understand priorities.
I am of the belief that if we limit our kids TOO much, one day..when they are successful..they can and will buy all the stuff they want....thinking thats what they lacked....only to find out that they lacked balance.
We see such excess, when we go in people's homes. I ask myself this question often.
The "stuff" you talk about is expensive too and some of these families can ill afford to be spending their money or more likely charging their cards for all this stuff
You are forgetting the axiom, "the apple does not fall from the tree."
One of the best businesses to own today is "self storage" units. I know a turn key operation, you want to invest?
Yes we do have too much stuff, in our houses and in our kids rooms. Last year I went through each and every closet and thinned everything out--from extra dishes to the kids toys to books. It felt good to PURGE
Deborah, sad, but true... I think this generation of parents are raising children with a "sense of entitlement" and are being terrribly spoiled. They don't appreciate the worth of a dollar, because they don't have to earn it.... they expect it!
Several Christmases ago, one of my young granchildren who was 8 at the time (I have custody of three young children) received a DS from my daughter... not an inexpensive toy.... and he commented "is this all I'm getting?" Well, the DS promptly went back into the box, he received a lecture on the value of things, and learning to appreciate things.... He also apologized to my daughter... and hopefully a valuable life lesson was learned.
Very timely post Deborah and well observed. I have a 4 yo daughter and all she really wants is for me to engage and be "present" with her.
Whenever she's with me we have tea parties, I teach her to cook, we go to the park and then when she wants alone time, she simply says; "Daddy you go to your office now."
I see so many parents that try to "buy" their way out of spending time with their kids. The tragedy is, one day they're going to be saying; "What happened? You're all grown up. Where did all those years go?"
Reminds of the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin.
You go to the heart of a very serious thing...if one is constantly 'given', then there is no possibility of 'discovery'...that's when the creative juices are born.
Thanks everyone-
I guess I hit a nerve with this Blog. Your comments are all wonderful!
From investing in "storage units" for all this STUFF to limiting time on wireless devices and other toys, to trying to teach valuable lessons by earning $$$, sense of entitlement, cleaning closets as PURGING, and spending precious time with our kids... being RE professionals we see the inside of people's homes (and lives) and get a true glimpse of the reality of all this STUFF.
Someone said it best when they alluded to the fact that being constantly "given" robs children of creative juices. And how are they to adapt to an ever changing world if they lack creativity-- the basis of survival?
My granddaughter doesn't have a lot of toys. We give her clothes, vacations and attention as her parents struggle with their finances. She has become a competitive card player (crazy 8's) and a gifted artist. Give that kid a roll of scotch tape and a box of Q-tips and she can build a mighty fine house.
You are right on target! Most kids now in our country have way too much stuff, and way too little exercise, time outdoors, attention span, reading skills, imagination, creativity, etc., etc., and it's not their fault, it's ours!
Cynthia
Sounds like your granddaughter is on her way to success! A good example of allowing kids the freedom to be creative.
Laura-
You are so right--we only have ourselves to blame for spoiling kids into oblivion.
Deb congrats on the feature! Great post!